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books and coffee

keira

New Member
selamat hari raya.

raya sama seperti biasa. tiada yang berubah.

esok kembali kepada normal. kerja kerja kerja.
 

keira

New Member
aku rasa sedikit penat. cuba hendak tak fikir tentang hidup. kadang2 terfikir jugak. lagi2 bila orang sekeliling asyik push. rasa nak lari je. migrate pegi tempat lain. nak start fresh. terlalu banyak untuk dipertimbangkan. takut pun ye. tapi apalah makna hidup tanpa cabaran. keyword nya adalah sabar. sabar dan terus sabar.

jom layan movie kat laptop kejap. saje. date with myself.
 

keira

New Member
harini aku tak berapa busy. duduk2 sementara tunggu orang. semalam ada orang cadangkan aku hantar resume untuk satu tempat kerja. katanya gaji boleh tahan. aku rasa mungkin aku akan mencuba nasib. bukan apa, business2 jugak. tanggungjawab sosial kenalah juga tunaikan. giving back to society. gitew. padahal aku nk kumpul duit banyak2 nak pegi travel. haha lama betul aku tak travel. betul2 rasa rindu. aku selalu jeles dengan orang yang mampu travel kemana dia suka. untunglaaaa. kebanyakan rakan2 aku yg begitu memang anak orang kaya.. tak pun memang dia yang kaya.. maklumlah duit gaji berkepuk2 tak tahu nak buat apa.. hehe tapi ada juga yang memang jenis mengumpul untuk travel.. minat masing2 kan.. hopefully, satu hari nanti aku dapat realisasikan impian aku untuk travel the world.
 

keira

New Member
aku memang tak kuat. tahap ketabahan dan kesabaran aku boleh dikatakan sangatlah sedikit. aku paling tak suka benda tak berlaku seperti yang aku plan. seperti yang aku jangka. bila aku nak sesuatu tu, aku nak sangat2.. dan kalau aku tak dapat, aku akan jadi sakit jiwa yang macam takleh nak hadam.. haha terus give up macam dahlahh..lantak..mampuslah kau.. camtu.. apakah perangai ini.

omg.

siapalah yang leh tahan ngan aku. hahaha. i used to blame everyone for everything that happened to me. lately ni buat aku sedar. siapa diri aku. kenapa aku macamni. it was me. not anyone else. aku yang mengundang semua benda ni berlaku kat aku. aku. bukan orang lain. sebab perangai aku. sebab aku lemah. naif. senang diperkotak katikkan. bodoh. dan tetiba aku rasa gelap.

bukan sebab tutup lampu. tapi dunia ni rasa gelap. mendung. adakah ini efek bulan mengambang?
 

keira

New Member
aku dah tekad. hidup mesti diteruskan. cukuplah sehari meratap pilu. tu dah cukup lama dah tu. aku wonder, adakah orang lain juga selalu mengalami kecelaruan jiwa dan minda macam aku. ke aku je?haha aku rasa dorang lebih bijak handle stress. lebih bijak handle hidup. or dorang memang tak fikir pn macam aku yang selalu over-thinking and over paranoid. semua nak over. haih.

tengah scrolling jobs on jobstreets. hmm entah nak keja apa. i want a new life. life is too predictable now. it gets boring. i need new challenge. cari keje overseas.. europe. hmm nurse??ok tak layak. haha scroll lagi. dubai. finance manager?k.. send. tahu taklayak jugak. tapi degil.. who cares?? ok and few countries lagi. send send and send. ok lega. first step dah buat. resume dah updated. now dah leh sambung buat keje. who knows. bumi Allah ni kan luas. rezeki ada dimana mana.

orang kata, usaha tangga kejayaan. now dah tak pakai tangga. semua dihujung jari. cari keje dihujung jari.. cari jodoh pon dihujung jari.. hehe.. #eh

yang benar,
netizen tegar.
 

keira

New Member
Aku baru lepas tengok cerita kuch kuch hota hai.. haha satu2nya cerita hindustan yg aku suka.. entah kenapa, terus rasa ingin bercinta lps tgk cite tu..haha aku penah terbaca.. cinta tu tak semestinya diukur dengan material.. atau fizikal.. tapi dari sifat memahami dan kita tahu dia sentiasa ada waktu susah senang.. life partner.. mungkin itulah yang aku cari.. a life partner.. saling memerlukan dan melengkapi.. dari semua segi.. bukan untuk hiasan atau kemudahan.. tapi tak semua faham.. mereka ingat aku terlalu memilih.. dorang tak tahu.. aku tengah tngu kuch2 hota hai tu.. ada sesuatu terasa didalam hati.. setakat ni kuch2 hotak hang adala rasa.. haha aduhaii pengaruh filem btul.. malam ni tdur dlm snyuman la nmpaknya..
 

keira

New Member
Aku busy lately ni.. bagus jugak.. take my mind off things.. bila aku banyak masa, aku tend to fikir benda2 yang mnyesakkan jiwa.. dengan harapan dan impian yang tak mungkin jadi kenyataan.. entah bila aku nk sedar.. kadang2 hidup dalam angan2 ni indah.. tapi at the end of the day, kenalah berpijak pada bumi yang nyata.. itulah dia.. ini tak.. suka sangat angan2 dia tu.. haha pstu frust sendiri.. adedei wake up wake up..
 

keira

New Member
malam ni adalah malam layan michael buble.. walaupun penat seharian driving, tapi tak boleh nak tido.. alahai kenapa rasa terawang2 bila layan concert michael buble ni kat utube.. hihi terasa hati terdetik untuk percaya dengan cinta semula.. terasa taknak putus asa.. magic nya.. hmm aku selalu terfikir adake orang yang mempunyai minat sama dengan aku.. yang enjoy small things everyday tanpa perlu nak pening2 pk rutin hari2.. such as having a relaxing night melayan lagu jazz.. just enjoy strolling kat tepi pantai tengok stars and the moon.. minum coffee in a cute little coffee house and just staring at each other eyes.. so in love that only small gestures pun dah buat kita happy for a lifetime.. hmm mungkin aku dah terlebih coffee ni.. overdose michael buble pn ye.. haha

anyway, aku penah ada rasa yang aku dah jumpa orang itu.. well, turn out that hubungan itu tak berkekalan.. disebabkan few issues.. my mistake jugak.. and i totally understand why he don't want anything to do with me.. cuma, i can't help this feeling yang selalu buat aku rasa at loss.. rasa regret.. rasa what if i can turn back time.. rasa rugi that i missed what could be so amazing.. itulah manusia kan.. bila ada tak hargai.. dah hilang barulah tercari2.. cuma, aku selalu pujuk diri aku.. percaya dengan apa yang terjadi pasti ada hikmah.. memang aku dah nampak hikmahnya pun.. aku dah mula belajar menghargai.. berbeza sangat dari dulu.. well, orang kata pengalaman mendewasakan..
 

keira

New Member
aku berasa seronok seminggu ni.. dapat brjumpa kawan2 lama.. just chilling out having fun.. talking about life.. love.. men.. haha well bila bff get together, memang takdela isu lain kan.. of coz catching up about love life.. well, perempuan.. that's how we enjoy our time.. bercakap.. of coz nothing nonsense like mengumpat ke apa.. ahaha that is so not us, bercakap about other people.. we don't even bother about anything else actually.. terlalu sibuk mencintai diri sendiri.. haha takde masa nk pk pasal orang lain.. masalah aku pon tak setel2.. herghh mereput sendiri pk masalah ni.. ish3

anyway.. enough about masalah.. im just feeling so happy.. for nothing particular reason.. dreamy mode michael buble still tak habes.. adeii parah..
 

keira

New Member
i really should go on serious diet and grooming.. hergh bila tengok cermin, and rasa menyampah dengan diri sendiri adalah tanda yang aku perlu buat sesuatu tentang diri aku.. i look like a mess.. dalam hati rasa, hmm cukup2.. i shouldn't be like this.. i should look after myself because if i don't do it, who will?

my family and friends were worried. they feels like i'm not trying to fix my life. my future. and my attitude. not enough. i did u know. i really do. but the result always came out the same. and i'm stuck and feeling so unhappy with myself. i keep trying. and it gets too tiring. i just don't know anymore.

sometimes, when my mind is too tired to be rational, i just let where my heart leads me. and it's not good for me. because hope ruin me. heart break is too much to bear. it just not worth it anymore.

i should just stick being invisible. or a wall. nobody will notice me. and i will be just fine in my own world. yeah, i should do that.
 

keira

New Member
I just talked with my bestfriend. He is one mysterious man. I don't understand him sometimes. But who cares. I love him anyway. He used to be someone special in my life. He still is. I think he's the one who understands me the most. Anyway, I just told him that I had enough of this relationship thingy. Enough of men. Not that I turn into lessy or anything. But it just so frustrating that i've to deal with so many failures. He said that after all these miseries, i'll found my happiness. He sounds so sincere and confident about it. But I don't dare to hope. I think he just want to make me feel better.

That's what a best friend do. Always be there for us. Despite everything, i'm so thankful to have such a good friend in my life. Layankan aje aku saiko dan meroyan.. haha

Ok it's late.. goodnite world.
 

keira

New Member
i always curious about perfectionist. like how people be able to live that way, i don't have any idea. i'm totally opposite from it. messy. clumsy. and just all over the place. haha i always talk before i think. and later on, regret it. and i'm just too uninspired to actually work very very hard to achieve anything. i can't remember the last time i want something so much. and have any passion and determination in anything or anyone. i'm just not interested. nope. really. if i do have, it's only temporary. just to feel the taste of it. i mean, look at other people. they yearn for power, money, the best spouse, the perfect family, expensive lifestyle, holidays every freaking month, etc2. that's how they define success normally. they make it such a big deal, it's like the end of the world if u lacking in wanting to be like other normal people. how normal is normal anyway?and what good it brings if u are that kind of normal anyway. people recognition?oh please. i don't care. seriously, i don't. people would say, of coz i wud say something like that. it's because i don't have it. and i'm just jealous. yea, make sense peep. make sense. but again, who cares? u can live or wish whatever u want in life. it's your life. u can do anything, no one stopping u. except yourself. admit it. people expectation worries u. what will your family says, what will your boss, your friends, societies or your neighbor says.. yada3.. yea, being a responsible human being, all that worries u. like u have all these structured life, already programmed since childhood. success means these. success means that. happiness is this. happiness is that. if u have qualifications, u can be somebody. bla3. well. who set the standard that u can label everything as such? society. again.

and u will lose yourself if u actually succumb to this ideology. u actually lose creativity. to be someone that is u. special in your own way. not programmed by other people expectation. just find yourself. as i am now. finding myself. i don't need to answer to anybody, except The One. that's what matters the most.
 

keira

New Member
Aku dengar hutang negara dah 600b..dan setiap bayi yg bru lahir dh berhutang 33k..duit reserve dah takde. kemungkinan besar msia akn bankrup dalam msa 100 hari. Maybe less.

Ringgit terus merudum. Orang semakin resah. Banyak company buang orang. Tekanan dapat dirasa dimana2. Maybe some try to hide it, said that we r doing ok. No we r not. This is not about politic anymore. This is about our future.

Hopeless. Sesak fikir.
 

keira

New Member
it's holiday. and i'm feeling so unwell.

physically and mentally. tired.

a short break back in my hometown would do me a world of good. but i have responsibility here. commitment to make everything alright again. before thinking of goin away. haih.

my head keep spinning. it's been days. dizzy and nauseous.
 

keira

New Member
I can't sleep. And when that happened, I love to think about my past. I can't help it. It's natural.

And my past isn't pretty. It's colourful, yes. But it's nothing that I proud of.

I can't help but feel, I should have done better. Not for others. But for myself. But maturity isn't something that u can learn in few days. It comes with pain, struggle, experiences that money can't buy. That's the beauty of it.

It's life indeed. And Im constantly reminding myself that this world is only temporary. Just dont forget why we r here in the first place.
 

keira

New Member
Aku panas telinga dengar kawan aku membebel..bukan apa, terasa.. haha bak kata pepatah siapa makan cili terasa pedasnya.. antara bebelan yg buat aku pns telinga tu bukan apa, common sense je.. katanya, kalau orang dah xnk n obvious nk gunakan ko je, wtpe ko nak terhegeh2 lagi.. lelaki ni kalau dia btul2 siyes nak seseorang, dia akan cuba sehabis baik.. dia bagi attention, masa, dan akan cuba mnggembirakan org dia syg.. dia akan risau klu kita susah.. dia dh anggap kita sebahagian dari hidup dia.. tapi kalau dh susah n complicated sgt, nk spend msa pn susah, bnyk sgt alasan, tu bukan syg..tu org panggil buat teman wktu sunyi je.. mcm lap kaki la ktanya.. haha gne time perlu je..pstu campak jela.. adoi rsanya bnyk dh case gini.. jadi lap kaki.. haha tetiba rsa relationship ni mcm bodo sgt.. operasi nk memaki sekaum sejagat seantero malaya pn bermula.. haha adakah selama ini aku adalah itu?lap kaki?
 

keira

New Member
Ye, aku macam mengaku la jugak aku agak naif dan bodo.. lagi2 hal melibatkan perasaan. Aku suka nk feeling2 fantasi yg soulmate aku tu adalah org yg mempunyai getaran jiwa yang sma dgn aku..ada kimia.. gitew.. ko mampu?haha dan aku akan cepat cair lagi2 kalau org tu mmpunyai minat dan ideologi yang sma dgn aku.. tapi tahu x semuanya itu hanyalah mainan perasaan semata2.. when we r young, we tend to prefer something that feeds our fantasy rather than focusing on reality.. because fantasy is sweeter.. sebab tu most girls suka bca novel n tonton korean drama.. haha

Ok fine.. aku ngakula aku one of the girl.. eventhough ske nk bajet strong, but actually im hopeless romantic like that.. kah but bila dh msuk alam dewasa ni, mmg lain dh la kan.. we r more focus on what we need than what we want.. tu je.. u just grow older.. n wiser.. so pang2 diri sendiri.. reality is harsh.. but never settle for less.. because u r more than u think u are..
 

keira

New Member
Coffee.. buat mata aku terkebil2 dari td.. I shud sleep.. esok bnyk bnda nk buat.. tp tak boleh nk lena.. haih.

Lama termenung.. heart ache.. entahlah.. pening fikir bnyk benda.. I shouldn't.. really.. buat apa nk fikir.. I should focus on my future.. but luka ni tah ble nk sembuh.. asyik berdarah kmbali.. deym im just a fool..
 
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